Wonders in the Wilderness

They spoke against God; they said,
'Can God really spread a table in the wilderness?'  
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​- Psalms 78:19

​I first stumbled onto this verse three years ago during a three-day prayer and fasting time with my church.
 
It had been a tumultuous season for me prior to this fast as my life was moving at lightening speed on the road to nowhere. While a lot of exciting and wonderful things were happening for those around me, my circumstances seemed to only be getting bleaker and more challenging. I was disillusioned. I felt lonely, empty and plagued by my own internal assessment of my life's landing place. Did I do something wrong?  Why has God passed me by after years of hidden faithfulness? Why has He left me in the wasteland of my broken dreams and unmet desires? 

As I walked into the 6:30am prayer session on the first day, I could feel a storm brewing just beneath the surface of my glazed eyes and half smile. Bitterness, desperation, resistance, and sorrow were all lying in wait.  What a sensitive mixture for so early in the morning!
 
With my head sunk low and Bible in hand, I figured Psalms would be the best place for my despondent state. So, I began to skim through various chapters until my eyes fell on this passage:

​“They spoke against God; they said, 'Can God really spread a table in the wilderness?'" 
​- Psalms 78:19

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​Instantly, I began to sob. It was as if this passage unearthed the exact narrative of my internal wrestling with grumbling and grief. “Can God meet me here?” My doubts were in what seemed to me an unfixable situation. “Can He satisfy such an empty place?” But my doubts were also in God Himself.
 
By the second day of the fast, my mood really hadn’t shifted. Different day. Same doubt. Nonetheless, I showed up to the prayer meeting. Years of spiritual formation have taught me that the first step on the journey of resilient and transformational discipleship is to show up even when you don’t feel like it. On this particular day, I was immensely grateful for that practice in my life.   
 
As the morning prayer meeting began, I flipped open my Bible to the assigned devotional reading. Here’s how it started: "That evening the disciples came to Jesus and said, 'This place is like a desert, and it's already late. Let the crowds leave, so they can go to the villages and buy some food.'" – Matthew 14:15
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Another version says the disciples and the crowds found themselves in a “desolate place”, and another translation refers to it as “a wilderness”. Wow! Could this be a coincidence? The same disbelief raging in my heart was being mirrored in Scripture yet again. And this time the frustration and apprehension was erupting from none other than Christ’s most faithful disciples.
 
The question from the previous day still lingered in the air: “Can God spread a table in the wilderness?” The disciples clearly didn’t think so either.  However, the story in Matthew chapter fourteen unfolds into one of Jesus’ most famous miracles. The disciple’s skepticism only thickens the plot. It sets the scene and heightens the dramatic reveal to what can only be described as remarkable.
 
"Jesus replied, 'They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.' 
'We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,' they answered. 'Bring them here to me,' he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people.  They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over." - Matthew 14:16-20
 
God was leaving absolutely no room for ambiguity in the answer to my soul's deepest question: “Can God spread a table in the wilderness?” 

​Yes! Five thousand times over, yes!
 
Not only is God able to satisfy me, He is able to satisfy the multitudes and send me home with a basket of leftovers. Incredible! You can rest assured that repentance was my swift response to my encounter with Spirit and Truth that day. I didn’t need the deliverance from the wilderness or an easier path to traverse. I needed faith. I needed humility. And I needed to call on the God of “more than enough” to meet me in the barren and broken places of my heart.
 
REFLECTION:
Just like the disciples were upfront and aware of their mathematically improbably situation, we need to be honest and aware of what is really going on beneath the surface of our lives. 
 
So, what’s in your heart today? Complaint? Disappointment? Trust? Hesitation? Fear? Take a moment to pause and invite the Holy Spirit to reveal your heart. Be radically honest even if it's uncomfortable and even if your heart reveals an unpolished posture toward the Almighty. 

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalms 139:23-24

List it all out and then let Jesus’ instruction to the disciples in verse eighteen be your invitation today: “Bring them here to Me." His invitation is to come close, bring what you have, and let Him do something remarkable with the frailties and deficiencies being offered from your life. He can work with whatever you give Him. 
 
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

What the disciples found in the wilderness wasn’t enough to satisfy the crowds; but Jesus was. What you find in your own heart and in your circumstances won’t be enough to satisfy yourself; but Jesus is and will be.
 
As you enter into messy surrender in the desolate places of your life, remember Matthew chapter fourteen. He works miracles out of the mess; He works wonders in the wilderness; and He is enough to satisfy wherever you are today.