ROOM TO BE WRONG

In my elementary days, I remember using and hearing the phrase “first try” quite often. Every kid on the playground found something so impressive about succeeding from the onset. “He hit a home-run first try!” And “She landed that trick first try!” We were all chasing our next “first try” high as mysterious and elusive as that kind of accomplishment could be. 

Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t know of any real successes in my life that came on the “first try”. I spent four years (and far too much money) on a college degree to become a pastor and a social worker.  I spent six years in softball leagues full of weekly practices, tournaments, and endless laps around the bases before I made the Varsity softball team. I practiced countless hours until my fingers went numb to learn to play the guitar. I preached dozens and dozens of sermons before I ever gave a decent teaching from Scripture to my congregation.
 
Now that I think about it, I don’t think I got anything on the “first try”.
 
The same is true in my spiritual journey. I didn’t get the disciplines of prayer, forgiveness, fasting, obedience, faith, patience, joy, sabbath, and every other aspect of discipleship to Jesus on the “first try”. It’s taken practice and perseverance. It’s required continued refinement and daily mercies. It reminds me of the process Scripture talks about of going from “glory to glory”.
 
“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
-2 Corinthians 3:18 (KJV)
 
I must admit, going from “glory to glory” is messier than I could have ever imagined. Going from “glory to glory” means a lot of trial and error. It means I have to drop the perfectionist mentality in the crafting of my life. But it also means that my life is “gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful” as Eugene Peterson writes in his translation of 2 Corinthians 3:18.  
 
“And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.”
 – 2 Corinthians 3:18 (The Message)
 
If my life is “gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful”, I need a gentler phrase to hold onto for my adult life than “first try”. And I think I’ve found one. It comes from the NEEDTOBREATHE song entitled “What I’m Here For” and invites my life into the soul-breathing space it’s been craving.
 
“I just need room to be wrong sometimes.”
 
Growing up, I didn’t feel the permission to fail or make mistakes. Perhaps this is because I grew up in a church culture that was far too quick in rushing people to the answers.  I felt the pressure to get every bit of discipleship to Jesus right on the “first try”. It was suffocating; it was lonely; and it was a lie. It often kept me from trying in the first place. And that kind of environment scraped away my humanity and drained any real need for the divine in my life. We can only really know Jesus when we are who we really are. And who we are is gloriously and imperfectly human.  
 
“I just need room to be wrong sometimes.”
 
This particular season that I find myself in is wild beyond words. I’m not sure how to explain it to the onlooker in a way that will satiate the need for a neat and tidy summation.  But I can tell you one thing: I crave SPACE. The space to be human. The space to feel my disappointments and still offer faith in the midst of them. The space to offend religious people and repent for my own religiosity. The space to be offended and forgive my offenders. The space to wrestle with my disillusionment for how God gives and takes away. The space to worship Him in times of plenty and when I’m running on empty. The space to break out of living merely a dutiful existence and into a life led by holy desire.
 
I crave the space to fully be on journey with Jesus through every external twist and turn that comes my way and with every internal waywardness that needs uprooting. So, I am giving myself the space to do that. While this season is seemingly not productive or impressive, it is honest, restful, stretching and soul healing.
 
I’m also finding that as I give myself space, I give more space for Jesus to come and be with me. And you know what I’m finding? He fills every gap my imperfection makes. He is patient and kind even in my combativeness. He is a friend who sticks closer to a brother. And the secret hours with Him are sweeter than any moment I have ever spent on public stages.
 
“I just need room to be wrong sometimes.”
 
When I allow myself to have this kind of soul-breathing room, I also end up giving more space for others to be their whole human selves. My opinions decrease. My rushed answers to other people’s strife go silent. And I have left space for Jesus to step into the conversations and into their process. I don’t need to fill their gaps. He’s got that covered too. 
 
So, what about you?

Perhaps you, like me, need a little space today to not be perfect or hit every marker of spiritual success on the first try. Even when others don’t give you that space, let this sink into your soul: you have the room to be wrong sometimes.

You don’t have to be perfect. The pressure is off because Jesus has given you the room to be right where you are. You can trust His character and His kindness. You can trust that He is a Good Shepherd who will lead you into a spacious place of “gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful” in Him.
 
Lastly, you don’t have to run or hide when you’re imperfect. Keep showing up to Jesus even when the bitterness flares up, the prejudice kicks in, the anxieties rise, the impure thoughts disrupt, and you failed again.  Jesus doesn’t give up on you when you aren’t perfect. He sticks with you and gets you where you need to go.

​But also keep showing up to the bride and body of Christ even when they don’t understand, when they offend, when they doubt you, when they rush your discipleship, when they miss you entirely. Jesus doesn’t give up on her either when she isn’t perfect.
 
I’ll leave you with my favorite passage from these last few months and invite you to take a deep breath as you allow these words to create some breathing room in your own soul.

"I run to you, God; I run for dear life.
    Don’t let me down!
    Take me seriously this time!
Get down on my level and listen,
    and please—no procrastination!
Your granite cave a hiding place,
    your high cliff nest a place of safety.
You’re my cave to hide in,
    my cliff to climb.
Be my safe leader,
    be my true mountain guide.
Free me from hidden traps;
    I want to hide in you.
I’ve put my life in your hands.
    You won’t drop me,
    you’ll never let me down.
I hate all this silly religion,
    but you, God, I trust.
I’m leaping and singing in the circle of your love;
    you saw my pain,
    you disarmed my tormentors,
You didn’t leave me in their clutches
    but gave me room to breathe."
​
Psalms 31:1-8 (the Message)