It’s wildly true. The creativity in me has just about died. You might have figured that out as my posts have dwindled.
But it is also wildly true that I am craving it once again.
Oh to dance with the creativity in me, unhindered and free.
It’s been a while since I have attempted to write. So much is on my mind, yet my mind runs blank. How is that possible? Perhaps I am just so out of practice that I have become unable to dig up the innovative thoughts now buried somewhere inside of me. I am desperately hoping the dreams were not just a mist that disappeared due to inaction.
I felt trapped in a life that I did not design but willingly sustained and maintained. I settled for a life of rigidity and mind numbing work. All to please? To survive? To appear successful? To try to help others but sacrifice myself over and over? I’m honestly not sure of the “why”. All I do know is that I am here now in this moment, sitting in an abandoned video studio turned storage room trying to muster up any creativity that I have left. Trying to find my voice. Trying to find meaning and joy in the work. All I can do is try again.
And here, in the imperfection and messiness of trying again...
I am alive again.
Jen is a pastor, worship leader, writer, and songwriter living in Napa, California.