Jennifer Swift
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creatively living on journey with Jesus 

Surf's up: Virtual Surfing Lessons

4/19/2022

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I have (attempted to) surf exactly three times in my life. The first time I went surfing, I was fifteen and “along for the ride” with my friends. I was moderately successful. The second was a short lived defeat. I was too anxious to stand in the crashing waves much less actually surf them. The third attempt was my most profound experience yet. It was a sort of "successful failure".
 
Let me explain:
 
Just a few months ago, my friend and I traveled down to Santa Cruz, California for a three-day getaway from our very stressful, very lonely, and very compressed lives. It was a much needed few days of rest and adventure, and I only know of one place that can accommodate rest and adventure: the beach.
 
We busted out her surf boards, bought ourselves some wet suits and headed down to the coast. We landed on a very low-traffic beach in Santa Cruz county, next to our AirBnB and I found it to be the perfect place to give surfing another go.
 
My friend, who is far more experienced than I at surfing, gave me a quick overview of the basics and set out for the first obstacle, paddling out past the breakers. Because the last time I went surfing I experienced a mild anxiety attack in the water, I decided to warm up my confidence by boogie boarding first. Within minutes, my friend was up on her board and about a half mile down the way from me. She was determined and she moved quick. I was inspired by her grit and instantly bored with boogie boarding. So, I swapped boards and headed out for the breakers. However, as the water got deeper, my confidence started to shake (I’m not the best swimmer). Balancing on the 7 foot surfboard was a lot trickier than the boogie board, and I didn’t understand how to time the waves at all.
 
I kept trying to paddle past the breakers and even surf a few of the big waves, but it was confidence that was causing me to stumble more than my skill. “What am I doing? I don’t even know where to start. People have only told me what to do once I caught the wave. They never told me how to get out there.” And finally, it dawned on me: “This water is too deep for me to learn. I need to fail in the shallow water.”

With those thoughts, a profound sense of clarity erupted: I needed to fail in the shallow water if I ever wanted to succeed in the deep. My friend made her way over to me and told me how difficult it was for her to paddle past the breakers, but she encouraged me to try to paddle to the deep with her. I very quickly explained that I needed some time to pick up the basics in the shallow end. She was very understanding and admitted she wished she would have learned that way.  So, she joined me.
 
Every time I had tried surfing, people were not giving me room to fail. With their good intentions, they taught with precision each and every skill necessary for surfing. However, they forgot about the actual experience.. All of their explanation was circled around deep end perfection. They neglected the lessons from the shallow waters. They taught with such ferocious passion and an overwhelming desire for my immediate success that they didn’t leave any margin for error.
 
In their song What I'm Here For, I think NeedtoBreathe sums up my soul’s learning style well: "I just need room to be wrong sometimes.”
 
I need the shallow water.
 
In the shallow water, I learned how to balance on the board while paddling out to the wave. (Something every surf teacher in my life has neglected to explain).
 
In the shallow water, I learned how to find the right wave to surf. (You can expend a lot of energy going for the wrong waves that don’t have enough momentum).
 
In the shallow water, I learned how to time paddling to catch the wave, get up on my knees while riding the wave, and even begin to stand. (I felt a lot freer to try in the shallow because I knew that if I did fall, I could quickly get my footing on the sand.)
 
In the shallow water, I got tossed by waves and thrown under only to get right back up again. (I was able to feel that I was okay after going under thus silencing my fears about potentially drowning.)
 
I needed the shallow water. Someday, I will get to the deep but only because of the lessons that the shallow end taught me and the confidence it built.
 
Sometimes choosing less will actually sustain more in the long run, and perhaps, make it more enjoyable. I will someday be able to approach the deep end with more confidence and less anxiety because of the lessons I have learned in the shallow end.
 
And you know what…
 
I  actually felt proud of myself that day. Proud for trying again. Proud for now knowing myself enough to know MY PACE. And proud for choosing the shallow waters instead of racing to the deep too quickly.
 
Do some inventory: Is there anywhere in your life where you have jumped into the deep end before learning in the shallow end?  Failure is often the best teacher. But when the stakes are high, we may not feel free to fail. My encouragement to you is to venture into your own successful failures.
 
Look for ways to embrace the shallow end, and at the right time, paddle out for the deep. You’ll have what it takes.

​So, surf's up!
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Let it go.

3/28/2022

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 One of the most memorable life experiences came to me, not surprisingly, in college. I attended a small Christian university in Southern California where I studied psychology and also served in student leadership as a Student Campus Chaplain. The role of Student Campus Chaplain primarily involved running weekly chapels and Bible studies. But it also meant some great experiences with the other students in the department. My favorite experiences? The summer and winter retreats.
 
About a month before classes began, all of the student leadership at the school were invited for a weeklong retreat up in the mountains for a time of connection and vision. We spent time worshiping together, praying together, and even sharing our life’s story in a small circle of other students. It was terrifying and holy. I wouldn’t trade those days for anything.
 
(In fact, I wish I could go back and soak up all of the richness of relationship and time together. I wish I could go back and be more present. But I am grateful that I showed up. That was incredibly hard for me at the time.)
 
During the last few hours of my first retreat, one of the faculty members invited the dozen of us in my department to “wander out into the woods and allow the Lord to show (us) a souvenir to bring back with (us) that represents what (we) received from the week”.
 
Wander in the woods in the hottest part of summer just to find something I could probably pick up in my own backyard…why? In all honesty, I thought that this was perhaps the most ridiculous exercise of all time. But, I ventured out into the woods nonetheless to find my souvenir. Doing my best to take it seriously, I looked at rocks, twigs, leaves, tree bark, all to no avail. Nothing seemed special enough for the taking.
 
I starred at the ground in front of me with such intent with every step I took until I large rock emerged in my view. I felt the Lord gently whisper, “Pick it up”. So I picked it up. Then I felt Him whisper, “Let it go”. So, I let it go.
 
Three times this occurred.

“Pick it up.” “Let it go.” 
“Pick it up.” “Let it go.”
“Pick it up.” “Let it go.”
 
Though this seemed a rather odd command for the Lord to give without any explanation, I knew something sacred was happening.
 
After the third release of the rock, I felt the Lord whisper, “Jen, you don’t know how heavy something is until you let it go.”
 
With such a profound statement resounding in my heart, I knew that in the Lord’s kindness He was preparing me. Though I couldn’t quite understand the full application of the statement, deep down I knew that this lesson needed to be branded on my soul. In this sacred moment, I sensed that there would be things in my life throughout the next few years that Jesus would inevitably ask me to let go. And, it was completely true. A decade long of "letting go" and the list just keeps getting longer. 
 
    -Childhood wounds
    -Failures
    -Ego
    -Body shame
    -Hurry
    -Rejection
    -Social Anxiety
    -Depression
    -Out of balance relationships
    -Anger
    -Definitions of success
    -Fears
    -Comparison

 
Frequently and continually, I have to lay these things down. I have to unburden from the things weighing down my mind, my soul, and even my body.
 
My natural inclination, like most people, is to keep a white knuckled grip onto anything I am asked to release even if I know it is hurting me.
 
Why do we do that? Perhaps because we all know that change is so terribly hard. The fear of change and the labor it requires of us causes us to hunker down in our routine way of life even if it causes deep distress in our soul.
 
But this moment with the Lord changed me. It didn’t change my life circumstances, but it changed the way I would approach them.
 
Through brutal trust and the painful practice of following His word to “let go”, I have learned that if the Lord is asking me to let it go, it’s for my benefit.
 
Perhaps this is your gentle invitation to let it go.
Whatever it may be.
 
It may be good.  
But it may not be good for you.

It may be normal.
But it may be keeping you from better.

It may be what your world is asking you to keep holding.
But it might be holding you back.  

"Let it go."

Maybe you need to mourn and release the grief that a difficult season has deposited in your life. Loss is such a heavy thing to carry.
 
"Let it go."
 
Your time of unburdening may not be a release of outward responsibility, but rather an internal and unseen work. It may be deeper than you want to go in your own soul. It may be risky. It may take more time than you want it to. But it will be worth it and it will change you.

 "Let it go."

There is a chance that you, like me, may not even realize that you need the lightening of your load. Perhaps Jesus is inviting you into a season of discovery, a season of healing, and season of glorious unburdening.
 
Jesus says in the gospel of Matthew, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”  Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)
 
Might I encourage you to be bold enough to approach Jesus and ask Him to show you the way to live free and light. Ask Him to help you unburden and recover your life. And then pick up His rest and His way. Pick up His new “normal” for you.
 
Might I encourage you to trust Him as He leads. I believe that no one understood the human condition better than Jesus. He came to show us a better way to live. He is trustworthy. Though He was dangerous to the religious leaders of the New Testament, He was safe for the sinner. And I have found Him to be so incredibly trustworthy and safe in my journey. No one has known me or loved me better.
 
I think it’s worth the risk to “come” to Jesus and let it go. Because you never know how heavy something is until you let it go.
 
May your season of glorious unburdening begin. 
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Alive Again

3/15/2022

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​It’s wildly true. The creativity in me has just about died. You might have figured that out as my posts have dwindled.

But it is also wildly true that I am craving it once again.
Oh to dance with the creativity in me, unhindered and free.
 
It’s been a while since I have attempted to write. So much is on my mind, yet my mind runs blank. How is that possible? Perhaps I am just so out of practice that I have become unable to dig up the innovative thoughts now buried somewhere inside of me. I am desperately hoping the dreams were not just a mist that disappeared due to inaction.
 
I felt trapped in a life that I did not design but willingly sustained and maintained. I settled for a life of rigidity and mind numbing work. All to please? To survive? To appear successful? To try to help others but sacrifice myself over and over? I’m honestly not sure of the “why”. All I do know is that I am here now in this moment, sitting in an abandoned video studio turned storage room trying to muster up any creativity that I have left. Trying to find my voice. Trying to find meaning and joy in the work.  All I can do is try again. 
 
And here, in the imperfection and messiness of trying again...

I am alive again.
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The Literature of Life

4/24/2021

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Day by day, line by line
My soul spills onto this lonely, empty page
Filling every space with the questions I embrace
My emotions like the ocean all consuming
My thoughts keep me locked yet undo me
The literature of my life being formed by heart and mind
I wonder what sort of story they’re creating...

Does my heart have enough spark to keep going without knowing
How the ending will turn out?
Because my mind is running circles with it’s doubts. 
I confess that “happily ever after” doesn’t match the disaster
Or disappointment drenched chapter
That is the here and now.
​
Can I escape the here and now?
Is there enough grace in the here and now?
Do I have enough faith for the here and now?

I confess that this page being written is not one I want to sit in.
But I am willing to patiently learn the lesson
That the mess of today is not my life’s thesis
It’s just a sentence.
 
Day by day, line by line
There is a greater story being written deep inside of me
Day by day, line by line
It will surface and be repurposed for a greater glory
 
Winds of change, blow over this page
Come and rage upon me and my conflicted identity
Unearthing the parts of me that I’ve yet to see
The dormant dreams and the greater themes that stir so violently
 
So here and now
I call to my tired and unseen soul
Let your messy story unfold.
Beautifully unfinished. ​Perfectly in process.
Let your messy story unfold.​ 
Day by day, line by line
​Let your messy story unfold.
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White Knuckled Faith.

9/2/2020

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I gripped the banister railing to the apartment staircase with every ounce of strength I had left as a wave of grief washed over me.  I was only three steps from the bottom of my ascent when wall of loneliness stood before me demanding me to confront it’s reality in my life. Though I wanted to run, I had to stop. I had to be still. I had to let this moment happen. And I had to let the fog inside of my soul pass. 

I welcomed the sorrow and could no longer deny that it needed to do it’s work. My head sank into my chest, tears began to flow and I could feel my knees begin to buckle. Disappointments that I had held back for weeks now began flooding my heart. I stood there, head bowed, and felt them all. 

Then, in the recesses of my heart, I heard the Lord whisper: 
“I know this isn’t the life you expected…”

I felt the compassion in His voice. I felt His empathy and understanding. But mostly, I felt His presence with me. And I could finally rest. Even with the unresolved storm of mourning within me, I found a peace that the Lord was with me, that He saw me in that lonely hour. 

And His presence with His gentle tone of understanding made this moment of heart wrenching pain more like a dose of medicine to the soul. Yes, it was a hard pill to swallow, but one that was for my benefit and my ultimate healing. 

God can only meet us in reality. Denying our pain, our grief, our loss, our disappointments also denies us the opportunity to meet with the Lord who is waiting to comfort us there. 

​“Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted”
- Matthew 5:4
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Perhaps it is time to be willing to enter a season of grief. or mourning that we may make room for the comfort and joy that the Lord has for us. Can you sense His presence inviting you through the way of grief and hardship to find Him working all things for good? (Psalms 30:11, Romans 8:28) 

Perhaps the Lord is asking us to be willing to walk through the valley that we may find that even there His presence and grace abound. Can you sense the Lord leading you on a journey through the shadows of life to discover that His goodness and mercy follow you even in the midst of darkness? (Psalms 23:4,6)

Friend, there is no grief too deep; there is no shadow too dark that the Lord cannot meet you there. 

“Even the darkness will not be dark to you;
​the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.”
 
- Psalms 139:12



​The next whisper from the Lord felt a bit firmer :

“…do you still believe that I am faithful?” 

My sunken head now raised in acknowledgement to His presence that had been with me in seasons past and was undoubtedly with me in that moment. I knew He would be with me in this coming season. As I took the next step up the stairs, my grip on the banister loosened as I realized that I had something better to hold on to, His faithfulness. 

“Yes”, I cried, “You are still faithful.”

When I do not get what I want, He is still faithful. When life throws curveballs and disappointments, He is still faithful. When all I see are waves of unanswered questions, He is still faithful. When it all falls apart, He is still faithful. 

And just like that, the Lord’s faithfulness was calling out for mine. Every step up that staircase was one of heart felt determination and quiet surrender to His ways that are higher than mine. Every step was an opportunity to reach out with faith and trust that the Lord would meet me in the middle of the valley. By the time I had finished my ascent, I had fully decided to live this coming season with utter reliance on the Lord’s goodness and His perfect care for me. And this decision couldn’t have come at a better time as the days that followed were full of hidden treasures of irritability, seemingly nonsensical tears, and one too many emotional outbursts. That’s the thing about grief. It doesn’t unleash itself in a single significant moment. It finds plenty of pathways to unleash it’s fury.  Yet I still cling on to His goodness by the way of faith. 

I don’t have a lot of answers to the questions that mourning brings up nor do I have a grid by which to navigate this valley. But I have peace in His presence with me. I trust that this is the way He has called me to walk for this season in time. And with every step, I grab ahold of God’s faithfulness with white knuckled faith. 

Friends, let us no longer deny the difficult and dark roads that the Lord asks us to take with Him. And in this season full of uncertainty, let’s cling all the more to the Lord with white knuckled faith. 
​
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,
​for he who promised is faithful.” 
- Hebrews 10:23
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Quick Thoughts: Jeremiah 32

12/16/2019

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​“I will surely gather them from all the lands where I banish them in my furious anger and great wrath; I will bring them back to this place and let them live in safety.  They will be my people, and I will be their God.  I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me and that all will then go well for them and for their children after them.  I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul.”
Jeremiah 32:37-41

This is such a hopeful passage of Scripture planted in between chapters upon chapters of dread, disobedience, and destruction.  If you have read the book of Jeremiah, then you know that Jeremiah spends a good portion of his book warning the Israelites of the upcoming rebuke of the Lord brought on by their consistent rebellion. Inevitably, the correction comes for the Israelites and it comes at great costs as they become captives to the powerful Babylonian Empire.
 
However, tucked in the middle of all the prophecies of chaos and captivity, Jeremiah also speaks of the promises of the Lord towards the future generations that He will:
1.      Gather His people from where they’ve been banished
2.      Give them safety
3.      Restore covenant
4.      Give them singleness of heart to serve the Lord
5.      Be good to His people and rejoice over this goodness
6.      Plant them in the land once lost
7.      Inspire obedience and faithfulness
 
What a promise! After reading chapters and chapters of what seemed like hopelessness, these Scriptures read like a breath of fresh air. Not to mention that the consistent theme of the Old Testament shines brighter than ever in these five verses that the Israelites are never without hope and neither are we.
 
Something else profound struck me while reading this passage that has transformed the way that I receive correction from the Lord:  God’s rebuke in my life does not only reap benefits for myself, but for the lives of others. I don’t even have children yet, but after reading this passage I have come to practice asking myself: what if God is working out something in me today that will affect the generations that follow me? What if His rebukes to me today are for the benefit of my future children and their children?

We need to lengthen our understanding of how God works.

God will always have a wider and more pure perspective than us even in the small details of our life. Therefore, He knows exactly what events and actions in our day to day could become a blessing or a curse to our community and to the next generation.  Nothing is hidden from Him, and He sees what we can't see. 

And...

​God has ordered things to works in such a way that the past, present, and future affect each other.  
In fact, as I’ve read the Old Testament these last few months, it has become clear to me that time is somehow both linear and fluid (more on this some other time). Therefore, we need not disconnect the present with the past or the future. 

So, let's trust God's correction and live in such a way today that the future generations will benefit from how well we live right now.
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Dear Single Person

11/20/2019

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Dear single person,
 
What a gift you are to our community! You probably don’t hear that enough, but it’s true. As a single person, you bring value and joy to our world, and we acknowledge the courage it takes for you to live in your present season. Your heart is welcomed to the table with every other stage of life, and we desire to understand your heart more.
 
As you live in community with the world around you, there are some things that I would like to encourage from you when it comes to topic of marriage and singleness. While I am someone who is also in a season of singleness, there are some things that I think all of us in this stage of life could benefit from.

  • Practice the right balance of contentment and desire. The grass isn’t always greener. If you don’t practice contentment now, there’s a good chance you will not experience contentment in the next stage of life. This season of singleness is an opportunity for you to both practice satisfaction with the here and now while also stretching and sharpening yourself for the season to come. Practice being content even in the lonely, boring, and hidden places of all. For all those times that you instinctively run to your phone or get caught up in a flurry of activity, get still and deal with your discontentment. As you practice contentment, make sure that your desire for romance doesn’t dwindle. The goal of this season is not to snuff out desire. The goal is to keep it alive but not let it rule over your heart’s joy. Though they are seemingly contrasting feelings, you need both contentment and desire in this season. The presence of both is in fact a marker of a healthy single person.
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  • Honor the season other people are in. Value what your married/dating/parenting friends contribute to your life and recognize that the differences in your season aren’t an obstruction to relationship with them. Hang out with them! Learn from them. Learn from their mistakes and their successes. But be careful to not put unhealthy expectations on those relationships. Give your married/dating/parenting friends the space to enjoy their stage of life. They are in a season where they need to value their significant other and their family above their friends. And that is okay. You don’t need to be present for everything or invited to everything.
 
  • Keep showing up. The single people I know who have a strong sense of self-esteem and experience the richest community are the people who show up to things consistently. Sometimes our singleness makes us feel so vulnerable that we avoid a lot of situations. Often we give up trying to find a significant other or develop friendships because we’ve tried but haven’t seen results. My best advice: KEEP SHOWING UP!  Be patient. Community and relationships take time. So, show up even when it’s uncomfortable, vulnerable, lonely, scary, or seems like a waste of time. As you practice patiently and persistently “showing up” to various opportunities in life and make yourself known, you are setting yourself up for the best chances to arrive at your desired relational goal.
 
  • Tackle your loneliness head on. I heard it said from a college professor that the only way to get rid of loneliness was to get alone. This advice is completely opposite from my natural tendencies, but it’s the best advice I have been given when it comes to loneliness. Feel the loneliness, cry it out or write it out; but don’t stuff it down. It needs release, but other people cannot solve this issue for you. If you only go around telling everyone how lonely you are, you are just keeping that loneliness alive (ironically so because you would have to be with someone to have this conversation). You need the time and space to release the emotions you feel, but not let them lead your life.
 
  • Be graceful & learn boundaries. I’m almost positive that you, like me, have been on the end of unwelcomed advice for the dating world, have experienced not being invited to social gatherings because it’s for married/dating/parenting people, or have been asked why you can’t watch your friend’s kids tonight. “What do you have going on?”  Well, it would do us a world of good to not be cynical towards these people, but rather, practice giving them the benefit of the doubt. Go above and beyond to be nice. It will sit so much better in your soul and push against bitterness. Just as your story is unique, so is theirs. You can have grace for them AND you can take responsibility for how you think and feel about the situation. If you've practiced a cynical or lonely spirit, there's actually a good chance that you aren't seeing the situation from the right perspective. Be kind but take the unwelcomed advice with a grain of salt. Stop looking at your phone while the social events are happening without you and give them permission to live in their season. Define what you are and are not willing to do in this season and feel empowered to stick by it.  In other words, be graceful and set boundaries for yourself.
 
  • Find the joy and purpose of this season and go after it. Learn to celebrate this season of life. If you have the right perspective, you will find that marriage and kids aren’t the only joys and purposes in life. There are plenty of other joys and purposes to experience in the here and now. If you are so focused on the next season of life, you might miss the glory right in front of you. Have you asked yourself what is worth celebrating or what you have now that you won’t have when you’re married? Find those things and ENJOY THEM! How about asking yourself what the purpose of this season is? Find the purpose and then align your life with it. 
 
  • Look for ways to build self-confidence and watch out for things that tear it down. Confidence is a game changer for a single person (not to mention it is an attractive quality). It enables you to live in this season well and more readily recognize the benefits of this stage of life. So, incorporate some practices that help build your confidence like positive self-talk. Don’t let your confidence be built on what other people say or do (or the lack their of). Lean into developing this quality for yourself instead of relying others to build your confidence and self-worth for you. Also, watch out for the things that weaken your self-esteem. Jokes like “this must be why I am single”, whether you realize it or not, are directly putting yourself down and diminishing both the beauty and strengths of this season. 
 
  • Keep your eyes open and position yourself. This is perhaps my favorite piece of advice though it is personally the most challenging. If you do not want to stay single for the rest of your life, you have got to look for opportunities to find and flirt with someone compatible with you. Practice positioning yourself in circles where there is opportunity for connection. Find healthy places where you can interact with opposite sex. Ask your married friends if they know anyone who might be compatible with you. Try online dating (though this is controversial for some and might not be for everyone). Get creative and be proactive about romantic connection.
 
  • Pray with faith about your future. Over the last few years I have discovered that when my heart feels sad about my single state, it is an opportunity for prayer and for faith. I used to pray over my future spouse and children with pity, but what a shift it has been to pray with faith! Instead of prayers that instruct God to serve my own purpose and relieve my pain, I have learned to pray with intention and wisdom about the future. Of course, you can absolutely approach God with your pain. He is the God of all comfort. When you are feeling sad and lonely, pray with faith that He can and will comfort your heart. Make Him your heart’s supply and anchor your emotions, your desires, and your season in Him.
 
 
Summing it all up: learn contentment, keep your heart open, start celebrating your season, build your confidence, and lean into your faith. Go after the opportunities that lay before you for community, personal growth, and intimacy with the Lord. What a beautiful season you find yourself in. Go make the best of it.
 
 
Sincerely,
 
Your single friend
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Dear Married Person

11/18/2019

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Dear married person, 
 
What a gift you are to our community! We probably don’t say that enough, but you are truly a treasure to us. We admire the courage you have in order to live in your present season, and we glean from your example.
 
As we live in community with you, there are some things that we would like to encourage from you when it comes to topic of marriage and singleness. Are you willing to hear us speak honestly? Well, here goes.

  • Make space for us. Being single can be quite vulnerable and isolating at times. For example, there are many times when we are painfully aware when we are the only single person in the room. Seasons of transition are especially isolating for single people. So, we would love it if you make space for us in community. It would help us if you went out of your way to do so. Extend an invitation to us, but don’t just invite us to somehow fit into your already established world. Rather, invite us to be equal contributors and bring our full selves to the table. 
 
  • Ask questions before you give advice. Take the approach of curiosity with us instead of assumption and advice giving. Not only does asking questions allow the opportunity for us to feel known, it also gives you time to give thoughtful advice to us. This approach requires more patience, but it also gives a better foundation that yields much better results for everyone. Also, remember that your dating/marriage experience is not the standard for all relationships. So, make sure that you don’t give advice solely on your experience, but from a place of understanding our unique and personal story.
 
  • Be graceful. A lot of single people feel misunderstood, not to mention we are walking around day after day with one of their deepest desires unmet. This means we may not have had the space yet to foster emotional maturity about the situation. So, allow us the space to process and have grace for us as we release our hurts and frustration. It’s not okay if we start throwing a pity party. However, if we do start despairing, remind us that we are enough and that we do have the opportunity to experience rich relationships in community.
 
  • Look for ways to encourage us and build our self-confidence. We already feel the obvious lack of having a partner, but many of us also feel a lack in ourselves. One of the most helpful things you can do for single people is to encourage us in our uniqueness, our value, and in the fact that we are desirable whether or not there is a significant other in our life. Also, please note that making “harmless” jokes about our singleness isn’t helping our confidence. 
 
  • Don’t make assumptions about our availability. Don’t look to us to fill the gaps in your life. Often, people will ask us to babysit, house-sit, pick up an extra shift at work, and on and on because we are single people that you know. (I have had to define what I am willing to do and not willing to do over time. But I am quick to distance myself with the people who try to arrange my personal schedule or guilt me into filling the gaps in their life). We aren’t chess pieces in your life to move around. So, please feel free to ask, but don’t arrange our lives for us or guilt us into helping yours.
 
  • Be thoughtful about your matchmaking for us. Don’t try to match us with someone just because they happen to be another single person that you know. Hear us when we say that we give you the permission to play matchmaker BUT only if you know us deeply and know what we desire in a spouse. Be thoughtful about your matches and have our (and their) best interest at heart.
 
  • Teach how to celebrate the seasons of life. Singlness isn't often celebrated in our culture. But we would all do well to learn how to celebrate the different seasons of life. Will you help us look for ways to celebrate the single season we are in? Also, marriage is something we want to look forward to. Don’t try to soften the pains of our single experience by telling us how hard marriage us. Speak honestly about the hard stuff, but be sure to tell us the wonderful things too! We want to celebrate your season with you. 
 
Summing it all up: we want to be known, we want to be celebrated, we want to be asked, and we want space at the table with you. Thank you for listening, for being there for us, and for learning to love us well. We look forward to hearing how we can know and understand YOU better.
 
Sincerely,
 
Your single friends.
 
 

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The Mediation.

11/15/2019

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​There is a huge culture shift happening in our generation. Have you noticed? I sure have. I need not look farther than my own friend circle to see the obvious (and sometimes awkward) cultural shift at work. Half of my young adult friends (in their twenties and thirties) are single while the other half are married. My generation of young adults are caught right in the middle of this cultural phenomena known as emerging adulthood.
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The median age for marriage is climbing higher with each passing decade which also means the amount of single young adults has climbed and is climbing still. Being single in your twenties and thirties is no longer a rare occurrence. Instead, it is becoming a norm. My immediate community reflects this growing trend. Not to mention, I have firsthand watched a subtle divide develop in my community. I have had countless conversations with my married friends and my single friends who experience frustration with those in the reverse romantic situation.

While I am not here to speculate or deconstruct the causes of the emerging adulthood phenomena, I am wanting to start an open dialogue for marrieds and singles in an effort to bring a greater level of empathy and understanding.

Welcome to The Mediation.

The purpose of the next few blog posts is not to deepen the wedge that already exists between most singles and married people, but rather bring us together.

Since I am single myself, I will primarily be speaking from my perspective as a single person. However, I have reached out to several married people to gain a wider perspective.

Now for the hard questions.

Can we have some honest conversations? Can we address the vulnerable conversation about extended singleness with grace and transparency? Can we dive into some empathy and understanding for each other and drop our assumptions? And are you willing to make some adjustments in how you interact with others?

If you answered yes to these questions, I’m excited to explore and celebrate this space with you over the next few weeks! Check back in this  Monday and Wednesday for more on this topic. 
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Get Your Hopes Up.

11/11/2019

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“Instead of the thorn bush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD's renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever."

​Isaiah 55:13

 

I have probably read this verse half a dozen times or so throughout my lifetime. But this week I decided to meditate on it and dig in for a deeper understanding. The word MYRTLE stuck out to me with a big question mark hanging in the air. “What in the world is myrtle?”. Wastelands and thorn bushes I understand, but what is the significance of myrtle?
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Here’s what I found: Myrtle is a strong-smelling shrub found in the Middle East that is covered with white flowers and dark berries. It is the plant that is used to form our allspice. Myrtle illustrates life and fertility and the leaves cluster so densely that you can’t even see the branches. In the Bible specifically, myrtle isn’t mentioned until the time of Israel’s captivity where this plant is used to represent a recovery and establishment of God’s promises.

Once dead, useless briers are now becoming fragrant and fruitful myrtle. In the once empty places of life, a new garden grows so packed with promise and blessing that you can’t even see the roots.  In the most unlikely of places, God’s promises can be recovered and established. This is what God does. This is who He is. This is what He spoke to Israel and this is what He speaks to us.

I grow tired of waiting for God’s promises, and I admit that the more time passes the more impossible it seems for those promises to be pulled off. Yet, as I run into scriptures like Isaiah 55:13, I know the Lord is sovereignly speaking, making the words that have grown stale in my heart become fresh again. So, I choose to hope today. Though every miracle seems miles away, I choose to believe He can work even here in the wasteland of my waiting.
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What is the myrtle miracle God has placed on your heart for this season? What promise is God stirring up again that seems so far off, yet the one that you desperately long for?

Recall the promise. Dust off the dream.
Get your hopes up. 
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    Jen Swift

    Jen is a pastor, worship leader, writer, and songwriter living in Napa, California. 

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